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Getting Out : Leaving
Please explain | from therli - Friday, March 14, 2008
accessed 1387 times read the article I don’t really get it. Maybe some of you could help me understand. I have moved on since a long time, as in i don’t think much about the family anymore. But obviously some of you just can’t get over it, or at least love talking about it. I understand both situations but the thing I don’t understand is why you don’t do more to stop the family. Why you don’t do more to get your little brothers and sisters out of that shit hole. I’m sure most of you don’t live near by a family home (that you know of, because those people are everywhere) but there’s always ways. For example, if you really are into the cause and have lots of time to waste (which you do if you are a regular to this site) you could always rejoin the family and while in there, try to get some people out. It sounds stupid but it’s possible. It would be really entertaining to know about all the new things they’re coming up with. |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from der Teufel
Thursday, April 03, 2008 - 23:50
 (Agree/Disagree?)
I will add to this string of public ignorance displays.
I'd have to really love someone in order to re-join just to try to get them out. My brothers and sisters, who are currently in the family, made their choice. Sure, if they want help one day in getting out, I'll give it to them. But they have already limited their brains to a point where it becomes too late for persuasion. Anyhow, I think someone's decision about leaving should come from the self-realisation "deep inside" that what they are doing doesn't actually mean anything (in the real world).
And being an active member of this site doesn't necessarily mean people spend a lot of time on it.
But I just joined this site, and it isn't hard to guess who's a regular. Usually it's pointless comments that belong to life-less people.
Unfortunately, this whole page wasn't as interesting as I thought it might be. There's these people arguing/commenting about how much time they spend here, and then some people arguing/commenting about spelling and grammar mistakes.
Proper time wasted. The point of this whole site (whatever it is) might just be fading. Sad, because it's a good idea.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from double
Saturday, March 22, 2008 - 10:33
(Agree/Disagree?)
Y'know what they say "it takes one to know one." You, darling, really are a whoreing troll. Who is 26. Maaaan that's embarassing!
(reply to this comment)
| from DeeJay
Sunday, March 16, 2008 - 21:27
(Agree/Disagree?)
Apparently we all have so much time to waste now, huh? WTF is up with that? BTW, loving to talk about it consistutes not having "moved on" how?
You should be ashamed of yourself. A wife, two kids and somehow you're still wasting time posting here. Remember - idleness is the devil's workshop.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | |  From DeeJay
Monday, March 17, 2008, 18:16
(Agree/Disagree?)
Quite the statement. I'm glad I could entertain you. Let me point you back to some of your own close-mindedness.
I don’t really get it. Maybe some of you could help me understand. I have moved on since a long time, as in i don’t think much about the family anymore. But obviously some of you just can’t get over it, or at least love talking about it.
Assuming that some people "just can't get over it" in my opinion infers close-mindedness. Assuming that "moving on" means just not thinking about it anymore infers moving on infers both closemindedness and a definite lack of general knowledge. Assuming that your life is productive and we are all "wasting our time" browsing and commenting on a site on which you have obviously carried out detailed inspection is more than a tad closeminded.
Ever heard of the 3 steps following a traumatic experience? Step 1, denial. Step 2, anger. Step 3, acceptance. Sounds to me like you are still stuck on step on. I'm stuck on step 2 hoping to inch my way towards step 3, but at least I'm willing to admit that to myself. I will accept being called closeminded in certain aspects because I'm sure that I am. But having you call me that seems a little like a schziophrenic (I don't know how to spell it) calling another schziophrenic two-faced. (BEFORE REMOVING THE MOAT IN YOUR BROTHER'S EYE, KINDLY REMOVE THE BEAM IN YOUR OWN)(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Randi
Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 03:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
It really depends what "moving on" means to you. Its not the same for everyone...healing has no schedule. Dealing with the past is better than pretending to forget. If it hurts, Its better to talk about it..then to hold it in. I personally go through stages. Sometimes I never visit this site... then something happens that will bring up issues... and this is a place where I can say a thing or two. I struggle with my past now and then...but that doesnt stop me from living a fulfilling life.. I work hard, take good care of my kids, educate myself academically and otherwise. My focus is on my future... but the scars like these dont fade easy... We shouldn't feel sorry for ourselves... but we should be patient and compassionate with ourselves and eachother. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Randi
Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 06:16
(Agree/Disagree?)
You have to do what you think is best for you... how you "move on," survive, cope with the past and live your life is up to you. If "forgetting" is the easiest way for you... anyone should respect that. It is, however, important to remember I think, that there is no shame in feeling pain from our past and that there is no shame in having a need to express that to family, friends or on this site. It doesnt mean that you havent "moved on" or that youre pathetic in any way (Im reffering to the need to chat here, some peoples comments are pathetic here though) It doesnt mean that youre not a strong person.
Having said that.. I think its important to listen to yourself... I think we know when enough is enough...When its time to take a break, when we've wallowed enough in our misery and when its time to "shake it off" and "take a look outside." Im with you on that. It would deff be a shame to let anything...(eachother, some site, current media etc) stop us or prevent us from looking forward...
I "forget," or lay it to rest most of the time myself... but when there's a tv show about it or when an ex member kills themselves, or being that my parents are still members etc I tend to "remember" again. I have accepted that this will not go away.. I have decided, however, that I will deal with it in a healthy way. That I will make the best of my life. That to me, is "moving on!"
PS.. "Like I was normal" hmm "like"? Sure youre normal... probably a lot more normal than you think.
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| | | | | From vix
Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 05:14
(Agree/Disagree?)
You might forget for a time but that's not truly forgetting, is it. Why try to define moving on as some fixed state? It's very unrealistic and simply isn't the way things work. Firstly, everyone is different and everyone will have their unique definition of moving on. Secondly, you cannot possibly know the mind of anyone but yourself, so trying to judge if another person has indeed moved on is really rather silly. But most importantly, IMO, How could I possibly 'forget' who I am and what has made me - it's part of my lifeblood, it's there as the essence of my being and all aspects of who I am and what I hope to become. I don't need to forget. Instead I aim to manage the after-effects of my upbringing to the best of my ability. Most of the time I am successful at it and feel at ease with myself and where I'm at. That, to me, is what moving on is.
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| | from madly
Sunday, March 16, 2008 - 18:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
You should explain how sorry you are for boring me with such useless nonsense. Don't you have better things to do with you time? Tsk... tsk..
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from smashingrrl
Saturday, March 15, 2008 - 06:44
(Agree/Disagree?)
Pop quiz therli:
1. If I'm "doing selah" tonight; what am I doing?
I'll give you a few minutes. But somehow; I think you've already made my point.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From Samuel
Sunday, March 16, 2008, 06:21
 (Agree/Disagree?)
That is correct, Rainy. I don't know where The Family got the idea that "selah" should mean something secret, or something that no one is supposed to know about. Whoever said that was apparently intelligent enough to do a study on the use of the word "selah" in the Bible. Too bad their intelligence wasn't enough to prevent them from joining a cult.
The word, as used in the Psalms, means "Pause, and think about it."(reply to this comment) |
| | From rainy
Sunday, March 16, 2008, 11:56
(Agree/Disagree?)
Um...I think everyone always knew what it meant didn't they? We had to memorise psalms with that word in it for heavens sake. It was always explained to us as 'Selah Rubbish' means think about how you're disposing of it, and anything else selah, think about it before shooting off your mouth or asking questions. But I agree that the world got disturbingly warped. How are you supposed to think about something if you're not allowed to know anything about it?(reply to this comment) |
| | from vix
Saturday, March 15, 2008 - 04:51
(Agree/Disagree?)
My days of being even mildly entertained by the cult's latest inanities are well and truly over. There's only so much of that nonsense one can take. I just feel as if I am losing brain cells by the millions whenever I pay any attention to it. As for pretending to be a family member, i can think of nothing worse than having to play along at that level of idiocy; I'd never be able to manage it.
My brothers and sisters are all still in the cult and I make no attempt at getting them out. They will leave when they are ready to do so. I have my own family to focus on and goals in my own life to work toward, I won't waste any of my time on the cult. They took the first twenty odd years of my life, I'll give them no more.
As for being a regular on this site, well I used to spend hours here every day so I've probably 'wasted' more time here than pretty much anyone else. But it was something I needed at that time and when I no longer needed it I moved on from that level of dependency. The vast majority of the regulars here have very busy, fulfilling and responsible lives and their participation here is only one tiny aspect of who they are and what they do.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | From Randi
Sunday, March 16, 2008, 00:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
How do you know some particullar individuals are constantly present on this site without yourself being on all the time? Its one thing to be a regular... but you even seem to know who is on, how much and how often.
"Some regulars are so present on this site, it's almost impossible that they have fulfilling and responsible lives" It might be a bit of a hang up from the COG to judge people in that way.
I know what youre trying to say... but. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From do tell
Saturday, March 15, 2008, 11:50
(Agree/Disagree?)
Perhaps you could explain your algorithm how you can somehow determine the ratio of words-to-time spent on this site? How many words must one type to establish that they spend the most useful hours of their time here rather than earning a living?
How do you determine that being "so present" makes it almost impossible to have fulfilling lives and responsible lives?
Did you use a wpm ratio plus perhaps a % loading for reading and understanding others comments? Or is it that you are particularly dense and cannot read or type that fast, so if it takes you so long, it must take others that long too.
Some people...(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From DeeJay
Sunday, March 16, 2008, 21:51
(Agree/Disagree?)
I do plenty with my time. I work 8-6:30, come home, shower, cook dinner, clean up after my girl, prepare for the next day's work, then spend an hour and half sitting in front of the TV or entertaining myself before she calls me into the bedroom and I have to fuck her. Is that busy enough for you? Please don't make the mistake of thinking that just because you're married and have kids means that you're the only one doing anything with your life.
I spent the first 4 and a half years after leaving a complete drunk. That was a waste. What I do with my time now is firstly none of your business, and secondly probably much more productive than your average day (judging from what spews out of your trap).
Go ahead and look up how long I've been on this site today. I bet you've wasted alot more time than that today just masturbating.(reply to this comment) |
| | From rainy
Monday, March 17, 2008, 01:23
 (Agree/Disagree?)
That was such a horrible shock. "Clean up after my girl..." I'm picturing a busy single mum with a little daughter. Then the end of that run-on sentence (Where I was expecting the words, "I tuck her in and read her a story)horrified me- I can't tell you how much. Of course I quickly pieced it all together, and all I can say is how very glad I am not to be your girlfriend with the condescending attitude it seems you have toward her.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | From DeeJay
Monday, March 17, 2008, 03:50
(Agree/Disagree?)
Rainy, I'm sorry if the above comment sounded a bit off. I was trying to make a point. My point being I was doing stuff pertaining to others and not just myself - my definition of productive.
My girl knows what I've written up here. We both know that she has a bit of a "princess" complex and we talk about it often. My job is the physical labor, hers is to keep us on track and having some semblence of happy existence and direction. For me, in the end, life is meaningless, there is no big picture so theorectically everything could just be a waste of time. Somehow she convinces me of everything that life can be, regardless. I don't need her to do all the other stuff because I grew up doing it. I love her because she keeps my head looking forward and sets goals for us that I would never have had the mind or determination to stick to on my own. I will sometimes complain that she never helps clean-up, she will complain about dealing with all my emotional baggage. I think couples complain about each other all the time. At least this is to people we don't know, not friends that we see everyday.
Anyhow, I'm way off point here. My original point was that it wasn't my intention to complain. Merely to make a point. Now that I've spewed all this, perhaps subconsciously I was complaining. I think that's a normal part of a relationship - releasing pressure that you can't release on your partner. If I'm wrong, or if I came off in a condescending manner, I do apologize. If you can't understand the gibberish I just spewed off, well...again sorry. That's just me.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From DeeJay
Monday, March 17, 2008, 04:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
Further explanation on the end of that run-on sentence, which I'm sure you absolutely don't need to hear, but what can I say? I do get a bit defensive sometimes.
My girl's a sex-addict. Ever been in a long-term relationship with one?Yes, it's wonderfully rewarding at times.....and very physically (and emotionally?) demanding at others. I'm fine with twice a week. Twice a day and once in awhile I start complaining. Ha! Sometimes I love her for it, sometimes in spite of it...that's life...or at least my life.
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| | | | | From rainy
Monday, March 17, 2008, 12:44
(Agree/Disagree?)
Do you? Well I was going to shut up...but...May I say that she probably feels sex is the only thing she's contributing to the relationship, and perhaps it is only while having sex that her insecurities subside temporarily? As much as I decided to let it go, it still sounds unhealthy to me. Everyone needs to feel valued and needed. In a relationship you need to feel that you're putting in as much as you're getting out.
To answer your question, yes. I do relate to your situation. My last relationship was a little like that only much worse. I don't want to tell you what to do or give too much advice because it would only be the meddling of a stranger. Nobody else can actually fix or help anything. In my case, I was so deep in denial that I had to get to the point of not wanting to live any longer before I had the courage to make a needed step toward a new life. I know your situation is completely different. I don't know what you need. But I do know that this one-sided feeling is only going to result in people feeling used (you) or worthless (her) and my guess is her "sex addict" behaviour is a desperate act of insecurity.
Hope you don't mind me taking that liberty. Feel free to ignore it.(reply to this comment) |
| | From DeeJay
Monday, March 17, 2008, 18:58
(Agree/Disagree?)
Ha! I'm quite sure you meant please ignore it....and shut up (as anyone who knows me can tell you - fat chance). Well being that I am from Mars and she is from Venus, I'd probably do well to listen to some of her neighbors. I have a few points of disagreements, but it could probably go on forever. I don't presume to have the healthiest relationships, but I have a hard time entertaining the idea that she feels worthless, or worse yet, that I make her feel that way. She has always been the dominant, and I've always made it a point to make her feel as important as I can. Still, there are a few points for me to ponder, Thanks for the input.(reply to this comment) |
| | From rainy
Tuesday, March 18, 2008, 02:37
(Agree/Disagree?)
I have two questions that will help you discover who is actually the dominant one.
1)Which person has the most personal freedom?
2)Which person has the most control over the money, and day-to-day decisions?
If that person is you, no matter whether you do all the work and put her on a princess pedestal, you are the dominant one. My stepdad's relationship with my mum is exactly like that.
If she is the one with the freedom, control, and decision-making power, then you need to step up and take your half. She'll respect you for it.
It's much too hard for me. I bend and conform to a partner. That's why I'm single. Then there's nobody to stand up to.(reply to this comment) |
| | From DeeJay
Tuesday, March 18, 2008, 17:49
(Agree/Disagree?)
I’m impressed. I like that you don't resort to sarcastic one-liners and actually add something to the conversation. It shows me you’ve obviously given thought to these matters and, at least in your mind, know what you’re talking about.
I think I get where you’re coming from now. You’ve been caught in certain aspects on the other end of what you picture my relationship to be like. I accept your sentiments as genuine, but I have to disagree with your overall view.
I’m not quite sure what you mean by “personal liberties”. If I want to watch a ball game, I flip the channel. If she wants to watch her soap, she flips the channel. If there’s a conflict of timing, well by and large she wins. On a Friday night, I might drive her downtown to get her nails done, call a friend to meet me at the bar, and then pick her up when she’s done. If I want to watch a movie and she wants to browse the department store, we will in likelihood end up at the department store. Do I mind? Not really. Whether or not this is what you mean by “personal liberties”, this could be my first case for female dominance.
We both have incomes. I take a monthly budget from mine to cover our expenses. ie: rent, food, gas, utilities and weekend entertainment. This is supposed to free up her income to spend on things she wants rather than on surviving. The remaining balance of my income goes into another account with which we hope to buy a house, raise a kid and once in awhile to treat ourselves to something which our budget and her salary didn’t cover. We both discuss and agree together before anything is taken from this account. A tie? I make more money, she has more disposable income than I do. Maybe I should just be honest and say she has more control in that I listen to her anyway. This could be my second case.
There is a Chinese saying, which directly translated goes something like this, “Don’t compete over who fears who more, compete over who loves who more.” This will be my third case for female dominance. I’m pretty sure someone else could make her happy, and I’m pretty sure no-one else could make me happy. I’m more needy, I’m more scared and I love her more.
Here’s my point. I personally think ultimate dominance has less to do with finances and personal liberties, and more to do with who wants/needs the other more. In the end she’s dominant because I allow her to be, because I feel most other things are petty and hold nothing to what I feel she gives me in return - meaning, purpose and the feeling of completion. She wins because I care more about what she gives, than what I have to give up. So while your two questions have helped me underly the resulting answer, I feel that they are rather insignificant in answering the question itself.
Lastly, there may be numerous unhealthy aspects about many of my relationships, but hell, the threat of cancer hasn't stopped me smoking. What hasn't killed me yet has definitely made me saner/happier. Ha.
(Gosh that was too long. Note to self: you can shut up now.)
(reply to this comment) |
| | From rainy
Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 01:29
(Agree/Disagree?)
I agree with you there Dee Jay. Seems I didn't know what I was talking about at all. I actually related more to your side of the relationship than hers, except in my case when I was the one doing everything, the relationship was not based on mutual respect. So obviously yours is completely different.
I don't understand why you pamper her so much, but it's your life and you seem happy with it. So I guess it works for you. Sorry to do all this to you.
Final note: I agree heartily with Neez below.
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| | | | | | | | from rainy
Saturday, March 15, 2008 - 03:48
(Agree/Disagree?)
Oh thank you Therli, for all your wisdom.
I see now. MOVING ON would be re-joining The Family, helping to support an organisation which stands against everything I believe in, and posting my adventures on this site. Sounds like great fun!
As opposed to working to catch up with everyone else my age in the world, discovering who I am, making money, making friends, and, yes, coming onto this site for company with people whom I don't have to explain anything to.
Hmmm...Which one should I choose? Tough decision. I could be doing so much GOOD by spending my days in devotions and JJT, being quietly subversive. True, I'd beg someone to shoot me five days in. But at least I'd lose a lot of weight.
Nah...you know what? I'll just continue doing it my way. Thanks for the advice, but I'm pretty sure I'll be just fine.
Cheers.
(reply to this comment)
| From therli
Saturday, March 15, 2008, 05:50
(Agree/Disagree?)
"helping to support an organization which stands against everything I believe in, and posting my adventures on this site. Sounds like great fun!"
god! please read more carefully before answering nonsense. and I'm not referring to people who occasionally go on this site. I understand it can be amusing or comforting or what ever you will. but to spend all your time on it, better to something useful. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From J_P
Saturday, March 15, 2008, 11:55
(Agree/Disagree?)
One doesnt have to spend all their time to make a few comments. I for one, like many others I'm sure, hold a good job, earn a good living and hop on here for a few minutes each day, perhaps make a comment or two, browse around and chat every once in a while. I'm intrigued as to how you feel that is spending all my time here and that it is somehow "not useful". Are you an admin and can somehow tell who is only occasionally on this site vs not or how long we all spend?
Get a life. Perhaps you have more useful things to do than tell others they have more useful things to do.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Imelda
Monday, March 17, 2008, 13:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
The shoe fits!!! And it's a beautiful aligator-skin wingtip! I admit that I have nothing better to do that hang around and post on this website for hours at a time. Why is that a problem? My problem, as I see it, is your assumption that any use of my time, which is my own business, should be subject to your criticism or moral judgement. Just because you think I'm a loser for hanging out here and posting for hours on end doesn't make me a loser. I don't suddenly feel motivated to do something different with my time just because you've offered me criticism. I could be a condescending a**hole, which in my book is worse than being the internet equivalent of a bar fly.(reply to this comment) |
| | From afflick
Monday, March 17, 2008, 20:12
(Agree/Disagree?)
Oh My God! You got me! The shoe fits. It fits snug. Wow, the ten minutes a day I am on this site takes up my whole life. I fo' sho could not be a productive law student, running two clubs, in the top 10% of my class, taking ski lessons and in a happy marriage. Nope, I'm in my parents basement, pinning about The Family all day when I'm not cashing my welfare checks. Caaaalled it.(reply to this comment) |
| | From AndyH
Monday, March 17, 2008, 13:25
(Agree/Disagree?)
No, that's bullshit. Who are you talking about? If it's not everyone, who is it? Be specific instead of subjecting all of us to your whining. You are complaining about nothing, some demographic that you invented so you'd have something to grip about. Tell me 5 people that don't have a life because they spend to much time on this site.
Could you just stop? It's really quite ridiculous. (reply to this comment) |
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