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Getting Out : Leaving
New Year's Resolution | from Gypsy - Tuesday, December 26, 2006
accessed 1175 times I know this probably isn't a good time to ask these questions, I mean for the holidays and all, but I'm trying to start the year off on a good foot, and thought maybe getting some answers is a good way to start. My question, (and yes, as naive as it may probably sound) is all about CHEATING! That big bad word everyone hates. I don't really know how to start this and to be honest I'm dreading the replies I might get, but I still feel that maybe, somewhere in between the lines I might get some good advice. Your replies are welcome!
So...here goes, I won't try to excuse myself, nor try to wiggle my way out of it, I'm just honestly trying to find answers here and thought maybe this site could help.
Yes, I cheated! And what's even worse I've done it more than once. I know what I'm doing is wrong, a lack of respect, unforgivable, even immature, but somehow I can't really grasp the concept of why it's so bad? I can't believe I'm actually fucking saying this!
This has been one of the things that has really taken a lot of effort to change my mindset about, the whole "Law of Love" crap, "free love", "fuck everyone you can. There is nothing wrong with it." Everything is wrong with it! It's an evil thing. It destroys relationships, marriages, or even things than are simply beautiful, there is no love whatsoever.
I know all that, and yet somehow, maybe subconsciously, I can't seem to get that out of my head. I do blame TF for all the twisted, perverted, and sick ideologies they exposed us and our minds to, but more over I blame myself for knowingly doing something that I know is unacceptable. If only our minds hadn't been fucked up since childhood, then maybe it would be easier to move on. I'm not as smart as the lot of you, and for some reason it's taken me longer to understand the real world. I've learned mostly the hard way, but tend to always fall back into the same shit hole.
I have never been cheated on, but sometimes I think it hurts more to cheat, than to be cheated!
Also, another question, why is it so easy for me to forgive? I've had some pretty nasty stuff done to me this past year, and yet, after a couple months, it is all forgotten. It's like I can't feel the pain anymore; like I'm numb or something, not unless I consciously make an effort to re-live all those past emotions, can I actually begin to feel a trace of the pain. I don't necessarily consider this a quality, although it does sometimes have its good points, but most people don't forget that easily. For years they hold grudges, resentments, or simply maybe indifference to those who have hurt them, but for some odd reason that is not my case. Could it be pride? Pride in oneself? Self-esteem or maybe just respect?
Merry X-mas to you all and happy New Years! |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from shins
Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 03:16
(Agree/Disagree?)
You have been through a hard and difficult time. It will be difficult to break those barriers and seek individuality and be yourself. Your instinct will tell you what is wrong and what is right, trust it and get it together. Slowly you will gain a true heart and be able to express yourself with pride, knowing that you are not harming anyone else.
Good luck- Be Strong!
(reply to this comment)
| from Cat girl
Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 05:44
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Lady if it is the Law of Love that you are critisizing watch out what you say according to the Bible we will be accountable for every idle word ....and I would say that you wrote alot of untruth...oops looks like your in for a long meeting with Jesus.
Actualy in the Charter the Law of Love states that if you are going to share with someone out of your mariage you should first 1.make sure to talk with your spouse and ask them if it is ok. 2. hear from the Lord about it. 3. and make sure if it doesn't hurt anyone or stumble them 4. and if in doubt or if the spouse or person doesn't like or feel comfortable with the idea not to do it period. 5. no one should feel pressured to share with someone they don't want to.
so in this case yes, you were probably cheating on your boyfriend or spouse. Because you were going against the rules of the law of love and against your faith"whatsoever is not of faith is a sin" . And since you misuse this freedom and use it unwisely going to the extream and "fucking everybody" I suggest that you forgo this idea and abide by the Mosaic law. Simple know?
and one more thing the Law of Love doesn't tell you to just go cheating on your spouse and sleeping with whoever asks you for a shag.
you are obviously to un mature to understand this consept
(reply to this comment)
|  From Gypsy
Thursday, April 19, 2007, 09:21
 (Agree/Disagree?)
FU cat girl! I wrote this hoping for answers or good advice, not some morning devotions reading the law of lust. i know loud and clear what the charter says, and its the dirtiest, sickest way of fucking around and walking with a "clear conscious". ive seen lives destroyed, marriages torn apart, people hurt and children wondering what the fuck is going on with their parents when their dad runs off with the cute little 19 year old that could be their fucking sister, leaving his wife and 6 kids behind. so dont come to me telling me its done in love, you are obviously to immature to understand this concept! at least i acknowledge my errors and try to learn from my mistakes and not hide behind some lie that lets me get what i want without feeling guilty... oh wait, were calling it "faith" now, arent we? what an insult! FYI, i dont believe in the bible and/or jesus, but id rather stand by all my "atheist" friends any day, than to spend one second with ur jesus.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From JohnnieWalker
Wednesday, April 18, 2007, 09:57
(Agree/Disagree?)
You're absolutely right. The Law of Love doesn't "tell you to just go cheating on your spouse and sleeping with whoever asks you for a shag". But what it DOES do is make you feel like you are out of God's highest will and selfish if you DON'T want to sleep with the person asking and choose instead to remain faithful to your spouse.
By the way, do you realize that many of us were in the Family much longer than you have been and were probably at some point or other more sold out Family members than you've ever been?
Why is it that you can sympathize with "systemites" who tell you of the hardships they went through and yet you cannot extend that sentiment to your own former peers and friends?
How are we supposed to believe you when you say you want to be a missionary and help people if you can't even take a moment to understand why many of us are hurting and what you can do to help?
Think about that for a second before you continue addressing us in the smug, callous way you have been.
Thanks.(reply to this comment) |
| | From valhalla
Wednesday, April 18, 2007, 09:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
give this a thought cat girl... Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary - Cite This Source
Adultery
conjugal infidelity. An adulterer was a man who had illicit intercourse with a married or a betrothed woman, and such a woman was an adulteress. Intercourse between a married man and an unmarried woman was fornication. Adultery is regarded as a great social wrong, as well as a great sin. The Mosaic law (Num. 5:11-31) prescribed that the suspected wife should be tried by the ordeal of the "water of jealousy." There is, however, no recorded instance of the application of this law. In subsequent times the Rabbis made various regulations with the view of discovering the guilty party, and of bringing about a divorce. It has been inferred from John 8:1-11 that this sin became very common during the age preceding the destruction of Jerusalem. Idolatry, covetousness, and apostasy are spoken of as adultery spiritually (Jer. 3:6, 8, 9; Ezek. 16:32; Hos. 1:2:3; Rev. 2:22). An apostate church is an adulteress (Isa. 1:21; Ezek. 23:4, 7, 37), and the Jews are styled "an adulterous generation" (Matt. 12:39). (Comp. Rev. 12.)
Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary
now go take your bible and shove it up your ass .if you are so thoughtful towards giving an account of your words to god i sugest that you might wanna be thoughtful about breaking the bibles laws too..anyhow this is an explanation from a non -believer ..i thought i should refresh your memory on what exactly your holy book has to say about the subject.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Samuel
Wednesday, April 18, 2007, 06:51
(Agree/Disagree?)
First off, "un mature" is not a word according to the American Heritage College Dictionary or Oxford English Dictionary (checked that one just for you, vix)
As a free thinking individual, I also criticize the Law of Love. I criticize it because I have read about how the Law of Love can be abused. The Law of Love allowed for Flirty Fishing, sexual abuse of children, indiscriminate sharing among home members, "cum-unions", and any form of sexual act that could possibly be construed as being "done in love" at the moment that it was happening.
Please tell me you don't actually beleive that Lord Justice Ward was paid to say the things he did in his judgement. And if he was bribed, and The Family did not compalin or try to do anything about it in a free nation like England, what does that say about The Family and their concern for justice? Is it permissible now to let judges get away with accepting bribes? There are guidelines in place to prevent that kind of bribery. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | from Rain Child
Friday, December 29, 2006 - 04:47
(Agree/Disagree?)
Vixen has really said it all, but I would also like to put some of it in my own words, as I relate to where you're coming from.
I also found it hard to stay with one person, and it took some time for family mentality to wear off, and to truly understand what it means to cheat out here, how different, and much more devastating it is.
I think with me, I had no sense of self. I had no idea who I was, no idea what the rules were, or even that the game existed. That made me come across as a free spirit who'd experienced everything and was supremely comfortable with herself, when in fact I was a clueless baby.
Not a bad thing exactly, but I didn't have the wisdom to know when to hang on to someone who was really worth it. I didn't understand the value of a good person.
I also didn't have the self-assurance to rid myself of ones who were dragging me down. I let others dictate who came in and out of my life while I just went with the flow like a jellyfish. In some ways I love that naive girl because she gave sincerely to anyone who crossed her path...but I sure threw my pearls before swine (to borrow an expression I hope does not offend, considering the source)
It comes to awareness and making choices. You need to assess what each person means to you, and what your life would be like without them. Also, to cheat on them could hurt them deeply. To dump them will take much more courage, but it will help you create your new self. It will help so much next time as you're figuring out the kind of people you do and don't want in your life.
I forgive far too easily too...and I think Vix is right about that, but I'm in the same boat as you. I have lived through horrific abuse, but can't stay angry. It's on my to do list. :)
Have a great day girl
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | from vix
Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 06:06
(Agree/Disagree?)
Oh boy, big subject. So many variables. My answer will be in context of your question and what I was able to gather about your situation, and is not meant to convey my feelings on every instance of infidelity in every relationships.
There are too many possible reasons why you might do it for me to pick out one or two. I think you're the only one who can figure that one out. What it does boil right down to, though, is that you want to. On some level it gives you something (or appears to) that you want, whether that be a feeling of power or the reassurance that you are loved and wanted, or simply the thrill of the chase. Who knows. I think that you should maybe examine more closely whether or not you are really ready to be in a committed relationship. If you are in a place right now where you need to be able to explore yourself sexually with a variety of partners, why put yourself in the position where you are forced to cheat?
Really, I just can't think why anyone would bother with cheating - If you are that bored and unconcerned with the person you supposedly love, you should bite the bullet and leave! Take responsibility for yourself and do what you really want rather than trying to have your cake and eat it too.
I think cheating most often happens when you are in a relationship just for the sake of it. If you are the sort of person who needs emotional support and likes to have someone around all the time, you might find yourself settling for boy- or girlfriends simply because they're there and interested in you. Maybe you should try to be without a partner for a while and just allow yourself to play the field a bit.
It's not always wrong to have sex with someone outside of your relationship, IMO. In most cases, though, it's wrong if the person you cheated on counts it an unforgiveable betrayal. It's wrong if you've been forgiven once before and you continue to do it, thus making a mockery of that person's love and trust. It's wrong if you have to continually deceive your partner in order to sustain an affair. It's also wrong if you allow yourself to cheat but would never be able to forgive someone cheating on you.
No, it does not hurt more to cheat than to be cheated on. There is no comparison. That sounds like an excuse, and a cowardly one.
It's NOT wrong, IMO, if the person you are with no longer makes any effort to keep you and still expects you to remain faithful. That, to me, is horribly selfish.
It's not wrong if the person you love treats you like shit and you find yourself compelled to go elsewhere looking for affection and emotional sustenance. But then I'd question why you are with that person in the first place.
I think the ease with which you forgive could betray a lack of self-esteem and self-worth. If you do not think that you deserve to be treated well, you are more likely to accept whatever is done to you.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From Oddman
Thursday, December 28, 2006, 15:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
I've had a few steadies before. I've cheated, and I've been cheated on. If you feel you must cheat, you aren't satisfied with the relationship you are in. You could avoid "cheating" by breaking up, or giving your relationship a "break" or "breather". Now I always have multiple casual partners. These all know I'm seeing them casually. That's an alternative, having as many romances and sex-trips as you need/want (assuming one has the ability to net them. If not, better be realistic and stick to one) minus the restraints of a steady relationship. (reply to this comment) |
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