|
|
 |
|
|
|
Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from banal_commentator
Monday, June 21, 2004 - 08:44
 (Agree/Disagree?)
The worst spanking experiences I ever had were ironically from an "SGA." He was very irrational and would spank us for things such as "talking-back", being cocky or making jokes. Really, I just think he was trying to break my spirit. If I think about this I will probably make myself angry, so I'll just continue to stay in denial.
.........banal memories
(reply to this comment)
| from Big Sister
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 22:50
(Agree/Disagree?)
I am so angry at the stuff that went on in your childhoods. Of course you know that any parent caught doing those things (in the US, anyway) would lose their children and maybe spend time in jail. People get caught because by law, doctors and teachers and other adults with responsibility for children are required to report injuries that are suspicious. I have seen this happen.
To anyone who says your grievances are imagined or made up or exaggerated: Here is what I saw: I was an young adult when many of you were children. At the time of this story, my sister had three children under the age of 3 when I visited her. She and her husband were heavily into the Family but lived by themselves, not in a group home. One day, she put the children down for a nap and then she and her husband told me we were all going shopping. I said you can't leave the children. They said, yes, we do it all the time! I refused to leave. They were very mad. I did not have children myself then and I should have reported them to Child Protection Authorities. I'm sorry now that I didn't.
Twenty years pass and now, new husband, a fresh batch of small children (under the age of 10), my sister (still in TF) comes to visit me. She has come by herself and planned to stay for 4 days but somehow she is still here after 8 days. Her children call her everyday and she hides in my house so she doesn't have to talk to them. Her husband has a broken foot and can't drive, they are running out of food back at her house and need her to come back. Other adults from TF call my house to make her return but she stays ten days before I finally make a reservation for her myself and take her to the airport.
These are two examples of neglect. While they are not as violent and flat-out criminal as some, they are clear warning signs that something is way wrong. My sister has no clue that she is neglectful and from her own description of her home life, much worse happens where I can't see it. All this bad stuff happens because TF is isolated and no one is held accountable. My way of dealing with my anger and despair is to try to circumvent the lack of accountability; try to do something to stop further harm to my sister's kids. Since my sister and her family live in my state, I have been able to anonymously alert Child Welfare of the presence of school age children in their home, who are being "home schooled", who don't have regular medical care, whose parents have no visible source of income and seem overwhelmed. Everywhere they go, I follow. It's not enough, I know. I have to think of other ways to help those kids. And after June 30, I fear it will be harder.
(reply to this comment)
|  From lotstoforget
Saturday, June 19, 2004, 12:29
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hi Big Sis,
Listen, just out of curiosity - your sister is in THE Family? Sure doesn't sound like it. Must be some other cult. Just for your info, The Family can hardly be accused of neglecting their kids the way you describe your sister's handling of her offspring. They're over-protecting them. Believe me, I've lived with them around the world for 23 years. Hardly ever heard of the kind of neglect you're talking about. If your sis in indeed in the Family she's on the very periphery of the cult and will probably soon asked to leave. I think the problem is your sis in this case, not The Family.
Regards
Lotstoforget(reply to this comment) |
| | From I tend to agree
Wednesday, June 23, 2004, 08:05
(Agree/Disagree?)
The description of your sister's behavior, Big Sister, does strike me as "unfamilylike." I seem to remember stiffling over-protectedness in TF. I always had adults watching me as a child and when I cared for children in TF as a teenager, I never let them out of my sight. It was something about the culture that made adults and childcare takers extremely over-protective (partially I think to make sure no one stepped out of line, listened to the radio, or read something that wasn't sanctioned). (reply to this comment) |
| | From wishicouldforget
Sunday, June 20, 2004, 00:49
(Agree/Disagree?)
I think you have been very fortunate to have "hardly ever heard of this kind of neglect" during your 23 years in TF.
Although my observations lead me to conclude that the welfare of children raised in TF has improved to some extent in the past 15 years, during my childhood in TF I was not fortunate enough to have rarely even heard of extreme cases of child negelect and abuse. For example, my stepfather, an untalented guitarist, petty thief and small-time drug dealer, had a long history of violence against women and children before he joined TF but despite his record he was allowed to join and be a "father" to five young boys. TF leaders who approved his application to join were well aware of the fact that he had kicked his first wife down a flight of stairs during her sixth month of pregnancy and caused her to have a miscarriage. Although my mother certainly shared some of the blame for the tragic consequences of selecting such a poor specimen as a mate, provider and caregiver for her children, those who were aware of his continuing violent behavior towards women and children and did absolutely nothing to stop it also share some of the blame. The second time I met him (at the age of 6) he "disciplined" me by giving me a bloody nose. This first injury established a pattern of physical abuse that continued for the next 8 years and during certain periods occurred on a daily basis. Even now, so many years later, I have great difficulty trying to forget all the horrific details of those eight years. It is hard when a lover (or sometimes even a trick I hardly know) asks me how I got a particular scar and I have to debate whether I should even consider telling them the truth. What I found worse than the scars or the painful memories triggered by them was the automatic physical reactions I had to some forms of interpersonal contact for years afterwards. It was very hard for me to make friends or literally become close to someone when I automatically fliched when someone extended their arms to hug me or simply got too close.
Despite all the cognitive techniques I have experimented with in a futile attempt to erase the painful memories of my childhood, I am still unable to forget. Just as I am writing this, I remember being held down over the naked lap of my disgusting stepfather and being savagely beaten with a wooden spoon and after that broke, the dirty and splintered handle of a toilet plunger. I remember two of my fingers being broken and my entire hand swelling up for several days when I stupidly tried to use my hands to protect myself and ended up being hit forcefully by the plunger handle. I remember numerous other times when I was forced to endure the stench of urine and feces as my stepfather displayed a malevolent pleasure in always forcing us young boys to listen to pre and post beating lectures while he sat naked on the "throne." I wonder sometimes where he got that idea... I remember another time when I was beaten with a belt while lying on my stomach in a bed and ended up getting hit with the belt buckle when I turned on my side in a futile and desperate strategy to escape the blows. Although perhaps I was lucky that the buckle only landed on my hip rather than a more sensitive area, I still remember the deep, bloody and painful wound it caused and the months it took to heal without the benefit of any medical treatment other than bandages and prayer.
Over the years, my mother complained numerous times to TF leadership about my stepfather's violence towards her and her children and usually most incidents were dismissed as unfortunate accidents resulting from carelessness rather than disturbing violent behavior. Instead of receiving help that might have prevented future violence, my stepfather was instead counselled to use binding restraints or get other people to help hold the child down if severe corporal punishment was to be administered. I only recall a few occasions when he was admonished against certain types of violence against women or children. For example, when he punched me in the mouth and broke some of my teeth which resulted in the home having to sacrifice the financially productive hours of one of its top fundraisers to provision expensive dental work, he was required to apologize and promise never to do it again. Of course, I was punished for provoking him. Over the years he learned how to hide the most obvious evidence of his violent behaviour and we learned that complaining about it or reporting it to someone would only make it much worse. They were slightly more concerned about him beating my mother and eventually he stopped beating her (but not her children) after he was threatened with excommunication. They were far more concerned when they discovered he had been misapropriating part of the large donations we were receiving from a wealthy benefactor. They even threatened to excommunicate him and report him to the police for theft when they sensed he was being less than honest about the legitimacy of certain large expenses he reported. I think this may reveal something about the ethics of an organization that is extremely reluctant to report child abuse to law enforcement but apparently doesn't have any such qualms when it comes to matters of fiduciary responsibility.
However, despite my personal experiences of abuse in TF, I do think TF is a safer place for children that it used to be. Over a year ago, I visited my brother in Western Europe and ended spending several days at the home where he lived with 15 children (including two of his own, probably the only reason he is still in) and 7 adults. In general, the children seemed to be well-fed and cared for and psychologically and physically healthy. They were certainly receiving a much better education than I ever received in TF. They seemed to know quite a bit about pop culture and the latest movies, music, toys and video games. However, in discussing long-term educational plans and goals with the home's leadership team, it seemed clear that their educational goals and resources were extremely limited. One day I helped some of the children with their homework and it quickly became apparent that many of them were years behind in science and math and would have great difficulty in the future if they ever wanted to go to college or even complete a basic high school education. They could certainly be receiving a much better education in a public or private school staffed by professional educators and using standard and effective educational materials and methods rather than receiving their education from a group of highschool and college dropouts using a poorly organized hodgepodge of Family literature and publications suppplemented by outdated textbooks and workbooks from obscure Christian fundamentalist publishers. While homeschooling can work if done right, it still seems that any parent who strictly ahdheres to TF's policies, rules and procedures would have little chance of being able to successfully homeschool their children and ensure they even receive a barely adequate education. Anyways, although my recollection is that child abuse and neglect was once widespread in TF, I am fairly confident that it is much less common now. (reply to this comment) |
| | From
Sunday, June 20, 2004, 11:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
Like I told you recently, I remember your mother as very subdued and seeming ubelievably fragile. No wonder. I never knew it was like that. It reminds me of my own stepbrother's experience at the hands of his stepmother, my mother, egged on by his father, my stepfather. The stepfather cleverly had her do all of the dirtywork, you know counting to 100 with the flyswatter handle or switch -- he just preferred to back her up (and meanwhile consistently humiliate my brother with whatever psychological technique he could come up with). The things my brother did involved being a boy with a mind. The things my somewhat older stepbrother did involved being a boy with a mind who was starting to dare showing rejection of TF things. Such crimes as only looking at pictures while pretending to read the 100 pages of the Basic Book he'd been ordered to. This evoked violence. I remember crying desperately during one of those sessions outside the trailer where it was going on, until a neighbor asked what was going on and then it was getting in trouble for letting anything seem amiss.
I do question your 15-year assessment, I'd revise it downwards by a couple of years, beyond which I don't have first-hand knowledge. Is 15 years about how long you've been out? If so, as with me, I have also easily thought well, they have said they changed, and I've had my sibling told me that it had not gotten better after that. Me who has spoken publicly of what I went through and saw (i.e., an evil Enemy).
In early 1991 when I escaped the DTR or "Discipleship Training Revolution" was happening and Victor camps were the rage. So while the "school vision" meant the younger kids were actually being exposed to some academics through the hodgepodge you mentioned, the "JETTS" & on up were being scrutinized and full pressure was brought to bear on the wayward. In this atmosphere I fled to danger in desperation with the clothes on my back. All I'm saying is that, while I can't speak for the time after first quarter of 1991, I can assure you that as of 13 years ago the abuse was pretty bad.(reply to this comment) |
| | From wishicouldforget
Sunday, June 20, 2004, 15:54
(Agree/Disagree?)
Yes, I'm not exactly sure why I wrote 15 years when I really meant to write 10 years which would definitely be more accurate. Perhaps it was subconscious wishful thinking. If anything, from all the accounts I have read and the stories I've heard, it seems the situation got much worse after I left (in 1989) as different types of abuse were formalized and legimitized. Indeed, I feel very fortunate to have been lucky enough to have escaped before the era of Victor camps and other structured programs of psychological and physical abuse and torture.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Vicky
Sunday, June 20, 2004, 03:39
(Agree/Disagree?)
First of all, I am so sorry to hear about the things you suffered, although I know you were not looking for pity.
Secondly, I agree with your analysis of TF's present environment for children. In the situations I have seen the children are not in imminent danger of sexual abuse (although I am sure there are isolated cases, but these would have to be happening in utmost secrecy as many people in TF today would not tolerate it, especially the young people). Beatings are not carried out and spankings are rare, although there is still some discipline in the form of smacks or single swats, which I do not approve of as I am opposed to any form of physical punishment. Health care is much improved in my opinion, for example my parent's home has a medical contact which they use whenever something comes up. Many homes in Europe receive benefits from the State which include free health care.
I feel that the greatest dangers to children in TF at this time are psychological/emotional damage and educational deficiency. We all know the mulititude of ways in which growing up in TF stifles all personality and character, and the negative effects of that belief system, so I won't get into that now. I'll just say that no matter how 'good' much of their life is for fam. children now compared to in the past, there are still many ways in which they are being screwed up.
On the subject of education, while there are some children who are lucky to have parents who have quite a good handle on the homeschooling (and the financial stability to provide adequate resources for this schooling), many are still being taught out of the Childcare Handbooks and like you said, using a haphazard hodgepodge of whatever books happen to be around, not to mention the tendency of so many parents and teachers to only teach the very basics instead of promoting further learning. This, of course, is the way they want it, so that the children do not begin to question and reason within themselves.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Big Sister
Saturday, June 19, 2004, 14:51
(Agree/Disagree?)
Yes, she is indeed in The Family, the Children of God and speaks fondly of how lovely Sarah Davidito was when she met her recently. I myself have often wondered why one would join a controlling, rule-imposing cult and then try to rebel against it! In fact, I believe my sister has been kicked out several times then begged to be let back in. I have not been told why she was kicked out and got the impression it was something
embarrassing.
She and I were both neglected by our parents as children. She is just carrying on the family tradition. I am not. I had many years of therapy because I was determined to be a better mother to my children than my mother was to me.
My sister was diagnosed with a learning disability as a child. She has trouble understanding non verbal information like facial expressions, body language and even jokes and other social subtleties. She needs lots of help being organized or planning things. In some ways TF is a perfect set up to avoid having to face the real world with this kind of a disability.
But non-verbal learning disability sufferers are also easily lead and manipulated, so in this was TF has been able to bamboozle her for most of her adult life. It is really sad.
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Dr.4_Shure
Sunday, June 20, 2004, 20:54
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Yo are so right about that...I think it was a whole nother sceme from TF to keep the second generation in....
Come to think of it, the poligamy that the shepherd all had second third wives and then they wanted me to take care of thier kids who were as rebellious as ever, the chain of command had broken, some of thier kids really did deserve corparal punishment and nothing was ever adminestered, which would frustrate me, as when we were that age if we even ask legitimate questions as to why or needed an explaination to things we'd be labeled as, murmuring, complaining or not "trusting the lord". The kids knew thier parents were the shepherds and by the age of 3-4 were the real rotten apples,it made everyone in the victor's program look like a saint.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | from Dr.4_Shure
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 21:27
(Agree/Disagree?)
I've met with alot of people who don't know whether to rate me exceptional or just a pyscho..very smart in management and getting things done and then minor things that every should have learned from the age of 8-9, totally no reference to it, totaly ignorant of protocol or culture, they can't figure whether it's deliberate or not. Berg had written this thing on kids not skipping grades ...aparrently it's like all my teen years and how i should have been enjoying it is just not there to fall back on...always having to deal with people older and act older than we were, I find it difficult to relate to people my own age when they start talking about high school and just living a normal life then!
I feel robbed!
(reply to this comment)
| from Dr.4_Shure
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 21:18
(Agree/Disagree?)
"Bare pit sessions" was the name they gave it at the TC. basically a few people would be the talk of the evening and in front of the whole school four to five shepherds would get up and tear away at this people, talk about everything bad about them , poke fun of them by drawings, and asume why the person was this or that way,aparrently it was to make them stronger. It grew us stronger away from them.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | from Dr.4_Shure
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 21:12
(Agree/Disagree?)
Anyone up for more HEART SHARING? How about doing another OHR-Open heart report or formerly known as Tribal report. A child at the age of six si undoubtedly going to be fantasizing, it's normal but the repression of what you entrusted to others as a matter of talk and gossip between the shepherds, and brought up as a home forum to dicuss your problem and what you wrote down on that piece of paper was enough to make a child want to commit suicide!
(reply to this comment)
| from Dr.4_Shure
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 21:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
The child abuse was as rampant as ever!
Public Spankings or the "board" with anything that could be grab at the moments whelm! You name it, a coat hanger made from steel, a fly swater with either litlle heart or star emblems embedded on the end, a shoe, books, PVC pipes, cooking paddles. I remmember not speaking english well at all being a "natiional", we' kids had watch this movie called "The Dove" . In it the actor aboard his yacht pulls out a revovler, trains it aimlessly shooting at a killer shark who eats up his girlfriends cat...something like that and screams out "You Bastard". As expected happy movie time is interupted by a pause and lengthy lecture with a stern threat that if any one is over heard repeating the phrase "UB"..they would be given 100 swats. Not one of us kids were over the age of 6 at the time i was 4 and a half. a day or so latter some of the boys wre scribling all over this board, upon the realisation f such sweet graffiti I yelled, " You bad boys". Sure enough the rest heard something else..i guess I was having a very misfortunate day, interagations we're made in front of everyone and i was shit scared to even say my piece of the story, and i held my silence, silence was a sure sign of guilt so in the spanking room I went. My butt was so purple by number 40 that the skin broke, I shitted every where... that halted things for a clean up..they had to lay a towel on afterwards to continue... by number 60 I was so numb the crying had stopped... and I was treathen if i didn't cry I would be given more ...( somehow TF had this thing about tears and crying being a sign of being sorry. ) This is one time in my life that I was forced to fake cry..during the whole hour session... i felt the whip of every other object, belt, hanger , shoe, flyswatter- note it cracked, bare hand- even the uncle resented me for making his hand sore, spoon, !
At four years old this left a detrimental scar in me!
(reply to this comment)
| From cassy
Monday, June 21, 2004, 14:18
(Agree/Disagree?)
It makes me cry to read this. I cannot believe that a parent would do that to their children. I have a beautiful five-year-old daugther, and everyday I look at her I am so thankful that she will never know abuse like that from her own parents. It's truly astounding what children have had to endure at the hands of those who were supposed to love them. I'm truly at a loss for words.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From night_raver
Wednesday, June 23, 2004, 09:22
(Agree/Disagree?)
MAP stood for Military Academy Program. The difference? the victor program was supposed to help us get over our "NWO"s (shit I hate that term, had forgotten it till now), while the MAPs was just for pure punishment, the objective being to have someone's fantasy of the "heartless military" I guess, up at 5 AM everyday 7 days a week and worked till you went to sleep, no off-time to be taken away, so the only punishment -- you got paddled for anything, talking/signing/whatever to anyone not a shepherd, 'justifying/explaining'. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From cassy
Tuesday, June 22, 2004, 11:30
(Agree/Disagree?)
Actually I was lucky to miss out on the whole Victor camp thing. Sadly, I had to trade in my freedom for it because at the time my Mum was looking for me so I spent a large time in service homes hiding out not able to leave the four walls. I had other abuse happen to me but not really ever physical abuse except for two or three isolated incidents.(reply to this comment) |
| | from Dr.4_Shure
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 20:42
(Agree/Disagree?)
I think DOOR TO DOOR was about the worst humiliation...out in the baking sun walking on a weekend day, I was embarassed that i have to be disturbing other people on thier only day off, with a already prepared speech barge into thier houses, and then beg for a donation for a tape or CD, the worst part was the conflicting issue of saying it was a donation but pressuring them for the price already layed out byTF. With some uncle or auntie who couldn't speak the language so they had to have the little "national " kid do it all for them or "translator", people must have thought here are foriegn missionaries using one of they're own kids from the institution and orphanage that we we're helping, they thought I was the misfortuate orphan, here they were using child labor to they're own benifits. I remember people use to ask me questions pertaining to my personal life and freedoms as a seven to eight year old, I didn't what to reply so I wouldn't even translate those questions back to the 'uncles and anuties". It seem to me outsiders cared more about me than TF. Basically for the speech it was ok to say we were an orphange, and refugees.
Uncle mean while would be trying to seduce auntie into having a date that night and the bullshit... went on. better yet if the auntie was a new babe then all the more you as the little Tf child had to be a good sample and show her how to do it!
of course little nation would be carrying a guitar and at any moment he'd have to pull it out of the sack to sing a DTD song, way out of his own level of comphrehension..." Daddy please come home... I'm glad to be a women..I'm proud to be a wife..." at home of course to listen to those DTD songs was a bit on the worldly side, " it might hinder your spiritual growth" was the only excuse they could give.
anyone got anymore on Door to door?
(reply to this comment)
| From Baxter
Saturday, June 19, 2004, 13:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
I remember memorising a series of lines in either Chinese or Japanese, none of which I could understand, then being parked in front of some poor unsuspecting housekeeper or shopowner and then being ordered to spout said lines like a FUCKING ROBOT, repetitively for hours and hours and hours. Inevitably, we'd lose interest which meant that it was up to the adult present to motivate us. One time my younger brother decided he'd had enough and refused to do it again. My dad dragged him by his ears out of the shop (in front of the shopowners), into the back of the van where he proceeded to beat him until his buttcheeks bled. And my father had the nerve to complain that his wrists felt sore afterwards. This happened every so often, this particular instance is just one of the examples etched into my memory slightly better than the others.
We used to come home and dad or mum would tell us they( one or the other) was gonna beat us, because we hadn't put our hearts into our witnessing. Mum would usually just scream, shout, pull hair, ears, noses, etc. and pretty much just humiliate us in front of the whole house; It was bad, it hurt, and I'll never forget it, but it was more about being humiiated than being physically assaulted. With dad, it was just sheer violence. I remember my father having boasting competitions with other dads in the home as to how hard they would beat their sons; it had turned into a fucking abuse contest. My dad would take me in the Ofuro (bathroom) and just whip me with a wire flyswatter until he just ran out of energy. there wasn't a single time that I didn't plead with him to stop, screaming, struggling, shouting for help. All it seemed to do was make him hit harder. When my mum left him, I think it got as bad as it ever got. I remember being barely able to walk, barely able to breathe, because I was just fucking exhausted from screaming. I can remember seeing my father's face after one particularly bad session. I had never seen my father show that much emotion, and all I saw in my father's face that day was sheer anger.
How the fuck am I supposed to be normal after that? I can remember time when all the parents in the home would go on 'spanking hysteria'; they'd just start grabbing the male children in the home at meals or after 'get-out' or whatever, and finding the most ridiculous excuses to dispense beatings. We'd all be sitting there afterwards, bewildered beyond fucking bewilderment, wondering what the fuck that was all about. I've since seen similar things happen in the military, where all the instructors would just get into the mood to humiliate and impose their authority, but this was not the Army I'm talking about. THESE WERE OUR FUCKING PARENTS!
I remember once losing my patience with my father shortly after I got out. I told him in plain english that I wanted to hit him, that I felt like taking a swing, fully expecting him to offer me out. All I got was a warning that if I did anything that he was going to call THE FUCKING POLICE! WHAT THE FLYING FUCK!!!??? How am I supposed to have any respect for this man?
Don't get me wrong; against myself, I still love my father. But not a day goes by that I don't think of kicking the living shit out of him. (reply to this comment) |
| | from itsxena2u
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 20:10
(Agree/Disagree?)
So true! "God does things to make you humble, other things to keep you humble and yet other things to make sure you are still humble". Being constantly humiliated to keep us humble! Public humiliation was TF's main tactic. My earliest memories of humiliation was being spanked bare bottom in front of all my peers, then being spanked again in my early teens during my 1st stages of puberty, at the TTC I was told to put my nose to the wall and stand in the corner for half an hour in the same room with all my room mates for talking during quiet time (I was 14 yrs old) being publicly rebuked as an adult in front of the whole home as an example. I received demerits and had to do dishes well into my twenties! I was slapped in the face repeatedly so hard that I had welts and bruises from my chin to my upper eye. My hands were held down while I received repeated blows to my cheeks for calling my brother a stupid idiot! What was so horrible about this spanking is that finally when I was able to free myself from this person's grasp I was pinned to the bed with this person holding me down with their body weight on top of me and my hands behind my back so I couldn't move. My head was turned sideways and held down securely so I could continue receiving my facial beating! I remember screaming and begging this person to stop! My face and eyelids were swollen and my eyes were watery! I WAS ONLY NINE YEARS OLD!!! This was on of the most traumatizing and humiliating times in my life!
(reply to this comment)
| from Auty
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 13:33
(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear Shackled, your story is so similar to mine, and probably many of the ex-children on this site. I grew up in Japan as well, and was one of the true rotten apple's starting with the "rotten apple" camp in Matsumoto with Newheart (Robert McDonald) & Claire. . .I became the first Teen Victor at the HCS (probably the first Teen Victor there every was!) with Ricky, Elaine, John PI, Faithy and a slew of leaders either being retrained for molesting small children (as in John PI's case) or being trained to start victor programs through out the world.
Some of my family are still in Japan, although not associated with TF in any way. You might know my father, he went by Peter Christian & his wife Trusty. My sister, who also lives in Japan, is married to Japanese Art, her name was Christina. If you'd like to get in contact with them, if for nothing else, to have someone in the area you can communicate with, please jot me an email & I will forward it on to them.
My last thought to you is not to throw in the towel. The first couple years being out of TF (especially in a foreign land) seem to be some of the hardest. Things will work out for you. You have something that most children in this society do not have, the desire to know more then your parents.
(reply to this comment)
| From Shackled
Friday, June 18, 2004, 18:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
I remember your family. I was living at Heavenly Heights when I think you, Sam and Tina were there. I remember your Dad comin to visit you once in a while and one time I went to the park with you all. I was too young for Victors, 10, but I remember my sister gettin sent. My whole family did move to Midoriko, Matsumoto right when Victors was ending. Newheart is an ass and someone should of drawn a line down his head. I remember Art as well, good dude and hell of a soccer player. My article is how I felt deep down inside. I do still yearn to be close to my parents and siblings but do not expect it to ever happen. One brother and I, only sibling that left so far, are close. In the last year I've grown more comfortable with myself and that urge to end it all has died. At least for now that towels stayin with me. I won't be in Japan much longer but I appreciate the concern. (reply to this comment) |
| | from exister
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 12:01
(Agree/Disagree?)
Our experiences were remarkably similar. It may be that 11 is a typical age for an intellectual awakening.
It sounds like you're having a rough go of it. It would be easy to decry you for your yearning for mommy love, but the fact is that parental love is a critical component in ones psychosocial development. Thinking back I recall that my mom seemed to secretly love me despite outwardly towing the party line. She even came to my graduation from USAF Basic Training.
I would suggest you get counseling. Your state is similar to that of many emotionally abandoned children. I certainly don't think you should give up and claim to be humiliated for life. People have overcome worse situations.
As a starting place why not try loving yourself first? Joe would be a good point of contact for information about Narcissism. I too am occasionally guilty of it, but my predilection for it has faded with my looks.
Cheer up, at least you don't live in a van down by the river... do you?
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from Aaron
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 07:27
(Agree/Disagree?)
I also have to say that I read this site all the time and think it is one of the best things that has happened for the COG grandchildren to say what they were realy thinking all those years but terrible afraid that one of the "uncle" would sodomize or beat them black and blue with a cote hanger. ............. remember those days folks?
An interesting note to boot. ....
I visited my brothers house in Houston recently and had the pleasure to meet guess who? ... Sarah Davidito. I almost tore out her windpipe. I guess I am kind of pyscho ;)
(reply to this comment)
| from Aaron
Friday, June 18, 2004 - 07:17
(Agree/Disagree?)
Similiar story here. I experienced the typical needs deprivation of the usual COG experience. I got the courage to leave at 18 in 98' and now 6 years later am still dealing with not fitting in to society , a very lonely and depressing existence. Growing to the point of believing that thier was something inherintly wrong with me. I've come to understand that the acute difference in COG socialzation compared to secular childhoods is a huge wall that takes engenuity to overcome.
It would be safe to say that I had no emotional or social skills to cope with the bottom feeders of the world. I had to learn everything from experience. People will spite you out of plain jealousy , if you have no airs and they can see that your are defensless inocent prey for them to use as a step stone for thier own "self concept".
The " systemites" I've met have described me with " strange, wierd, out of place, living in my own world, SHOWING NO EMOTIONS, antisocial, psycho, as if I came from a cult, jaded, concerened for me, mentaly sick, even gay.
Initialing when i left I came to the conclusion that I was just a screwed up person. However I have since realized that my abusive cult past has a lot to do with peoples impressions of me.
It is safe to say that I have run into a lot of sick ,disgusting ,slimey fucks since leaving the cult and being "in the world" . At least now I don't have to live with them.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | |
|
|
|
|
]
[About the Trailer Park] [Who Links Here]