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pumpkin - Tuesday, May 21, 2002

I know for sure that my sex life is the way it is because of the Family. I was molested all through my chidhood and the sexual abuse got really bad when I was 12 when I tried killing myself. After the age of 13 I started initiating the sex so that I could be in control and ever since then I've just always wanted sex all the time and it's never enough no matter how many times I get it. I don't want to get close to guys emotionally because I've afraid of getting hurt. I tell people all the time that all guys are good for is sex and that's how I treat them. They're always complaining about how they feel like whores and all I ever want to do is have sex instead of going out. Also, I've never been able to orgasm with a guy although I can very easily with myself. I think I like sex so much because it was the only kind of attention I ever got in my life and now I realate sex with getting certain emotional needs being met but sex doesn't really satisfy those needs therefore it's never enough. Also, I've been having flashbacks lately during sex and I'm now in a Survivors group and therapy and I haven't been having sex in the last month which has been extremely hard for me but I know I need to work through all the crap first before it'll get better. I'm sorry for everyone who has any kind of sex problems because of the Family.

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Kate - Monday, May 13, 2002

Yes, rapes did happen in the "family". I know at least 2 other girls who went through that, not counting all the others who got molested or abused. I think almost every second generation girl who grew up in the "family" has a story to tell on this (either molested, abused, raped).

By the way, I did mention his name in the article: Timoteo(of Maria). I have no idea of his whereabouts, or whether he's in or out.

Just in case you're interested...:-D

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VWBabe - Wednesday, May 08, 2002

PD, I know what you mean. I too got the "well, flirty little teen, it's really your fualt" crap.

Sharon, I'm sorry, but if it was me, I'd call the authorities myself. This is a sick individual who needs to be taken care of by the legal system. I would fight like hell to get him off the streets and out of my loved one's homes. The Family needs to stop believing that they are the law and that these so-called "corrective measures" are really enough to deter these individuals.

I'm not saying this has anything to do with the current belief system in the group, however, child abuse is child abuse any way shape or form you look at it. Having a daughter myself I can barely contain my rage at these curcumstances and the horrific treatment your sister and other like her has had to endure.

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sharon - Saturday, May 04, 2002

I just wanted to add a small comment to "family youth member" who stated that any form of child sexual abuse results in immediate excommunication and that sexual abuse was a thing of the past. You are sadly mistaken. I cannot speak for the family as a whole just from my own personal experience with individuals, which I guess would make it my experience with the family as a whole seeing how what one person does affects the whole group, that whole body of christ concept.
Anyway, approximately 3 months ago I was talking to [...] (who was 14 at the time)about her life in China--she was a family member, and I asked her why she had recently moved into an apartment by herself. She started to tell me about how a man in the home (I am leaving names out as this is a public site, and I want to protect [...] privacy, as well as the fact that I have family still in and do not want this to negatively affect them. If you question my credibility you are more than welcome to e-mail me privately and I will give you names and details) had been fondleing her/masturbating himself at night for about 5 years. She eventually got the nerve to speak up about it and requested that something be done about it, as well as be given her own place to live. To bring a little background into the story, this man has also molested me and [...] as well as 3 other young girls that I know of. I talked to [M] about it 2 years ago as did [...]. I recieved a profuse apology from [M], as well as an assurance that this would be taken care of. Like I said, I don't want to cause problems with my family, and I love and believed [M], so I dropped the subject, accepted the apology and trusted that proper punishment/prevention would be executed.
Needless to say I was horrified to find that this had continued to go on with [...]. I then called [M] and informed her that this was going on and I was not happy about it. Not to mention that I have other little sisters whom I had no idea if they were suffering from the same form of abuse. She this time informed that she knew about it and not to worry because the CRO's had been informed and action was going to be taken ([M] I should mention is a VS).
I wait two months and call again. This time I am told the good news that the man has been put on partial ex-comm for 3 weeks of prayer. He had to move out of the home and pray about his actions, then returned, apoligized, and continued on being allowed to be with the children.
Now I don't what you would think, but I was not very comfortable with this decision. I called my dad in California (just to show that many people knew about it) and he wrote [M] and asked about the situation. He then called me back, and said that what was done is done and I should learn to forgive. I don't feel that forgiveness is an issue. Their is a difference from bitterness and sincere concern for the welfare of the people that you love. I spent two years working with abused children and their abusive parents and I know that sexual molestation of a child is a sickness that does not just go away. Action must be taken to ensure that it never happens again i.e. never being allowed to be with the children by himself/herself again.
"Family youth member" if there is no sexual abuse of children going on in your home or area, good for you! I am sincerly happy and relieved to learn that. However so long as previous child molesters are still being allowed to reside in homes, your children are not safe. Those perverts will find some way to strike at your children again without being caught.
In closing, call me selfish, but I couldn't give a rat's ass about what is going on sexually in the family. The only thing that I am concerned about is that as of 3 months ago a girl that I loved very much was physically and mentally hurt, all the "sheperds" were informed of it, and yet nothing beyond 3 weeks of prayer was done about it. Sexual abuse is a crime. Even complete excommunication is not enough. They should be turned over to the authorities, even if it happened 20 years ago. A crime that occurred long ago is still a crime. If the offender is given 3 weeks of prayer and then allowed to resume activites with the kids, I don't feel good about my brothers and sisters being in the family. Like I said, this happened 3 MONTHS AGO!! How would you feel if it was [someone you loved]?

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Kristi - Saturday, April 20, 2002

Hi my name is Kristi and that was my story. Here is the thing, I have been out of the family for about 10 years, I was born and raised in the Family and left when I got the shock of a life time and realized that what had been going on all these years wasn't "loving" but rather a violation. I was so shocked that I ran away from the home I was in. Not because I had been tortured and molested all my life but because I never knew they weren't supposed to be doing that. I went to different leaders on several occasions when I was still in the family, and specifically I went to the leaders after I found Jay with his hand up my little sister on the toilet, I went to leadership in Thailand, I went to leadership in Los Angeles, I went to leadership in the Montery Teen Combo, do you think it mattered. It wasn't the leadership that was abusing me it was the leadership who let it go on, and slaped my perpitrators wrist, if that, at times they did nothing at all except send me at the age of 8, 11, and 13 to confront my perpitrator. They wouldn't even go with me, I faced them alone only to be intimidated and humiliated by them once more.
The other thing I want to say is that I am no longer in the anger stage, and I know very well what you are talking about because I have definitly been there, no now I am in the I can't sit back and watch this happen because it makes me just as guilty stage. My brother who was 16 yrs old just committed suicide after the family had there fun with his life. I have 4 other brothers and sisters that are still in and I can't stand by and watch it happen to them.
I understand you have parents that you love and I am thank full that they didn't turn their back on you, but there are so many that are there and that have been devistated or will be devistated when they realize that they have been giving their dedication and loyalty to a pervert who used them to further his own cause and now two sick fucks have taken his place. I believe a court case would do one very positive thing for both us and those still in the process of leaving, it would validate and it would put the responsibility on the Family instead of on the victims shoulders. So many of us have had guilty consciouses about pointing the finger at these child molesters but here's the real deal, they wanted us to think it was ok that they did these things and then when they got caught they tore some pages out of a book and said "we've changed" Do you really think that after 20 years of indoctrination all it takes is saying ok don't read that any more and lets take those pages out. That is not taking responsibility, and I will tell you what I told the leadership that came to that court case, when some one is violated (especially a child) and you do nothing about it, that makes the victim beleive it wasn't wrong, and essentially that is what you are saying, if you don't say this is wrong and bad then what you are saying is that it is good. And with something like this that has the power to devistate lives by just saying it is wrong is not enough, the evil doers must be punished. Not out of some sort of revenge motive, but rather to validate that what they have done is wrong both for the victim and the offender.
By the way this court case happen 5 years ago and the charter was out and the Family had already "changed" or so they said, but they were still more than willing to harbor a child molester, and still are, because last I heard they just prayed over Jay and life went on and as far as I know they didn't ask him to leave or send him to jail or excommunicate him or anything, any punishment he got was having to settle the on the terms of our agrement, and give me a break, that was just me that was all I was capable of giving him as far as energy I couldn't waste any more time with Jay, but the Family told me things were so different now things like this don't go on and if they do then the family takes action, there was no action taken by the family against Jay and I know for a fact that my siblings were not and are not the only ones who were hurt by his sickness. And Jay wasn't the only one that came up in that court case either, he was just the only one on U.S. soil.
I guess what I am trying to say is that putting together a class action suite against the family would be for many more reasons than just revenge for those that have already left, it would be more for those that are still there and need protection. Because the Family hasn't changed they are still as sick as they ever were, and there sickness lies not just in encouraging these acts of violence against children but also not protecting the children and then fighting the children or SG's when they realize they have been wronged and lied to. Because lets face it most of us have given up and gotten past the abuse, it is the lies that still haunt us and confuse us. I have three sisters that have left and one brother who died trying. It was the confusion and guilt that they had planted that finally ate away what was left of him, and I can't stand by and watch it happen again.
I am not starting a class action suite because I have neither the financial means nor the stability to do so right now, however I am doing my best to get enough money together and my life stabilized enough to get the rest of my siblings out of there the best way I know how. I would never try to make them leave if they didn't want to but the communications that I have recieved from them have been those of calling for help. So I will do my best, and my suggestion to you who are thinking of starting a class action suite against the Family is that you sue not so much for your selves but rather for those that will be stumbling out lost and confused, set up a fund for education and therapy for those that will come after us. That is my hope, that we can give the second and third generation of children a fighting chance, even though some of us are still quite young ourselves.

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Sara S. - Tuesday, March 05, 2002

Porceleindoll, I'd have to agree with you about spiritual (or mental) abuse being just about as damaging as pysical or sexual abuse...the mental aspect of the abuse I've experienced has been much harder to deal with and get over, I am still having to tell myself that it was all total bullshit! I'm totally over having been put onto silence restriction, and being stuck in a trailer for 2 months working on the mom team project, honestly, I'd totally forgotten them (I'm realizing that I have a selective memory), so...those things are coming back, but are easier for me to deal with. It's the mental and spiritual aspect of living life for myself, and trying to be happy as I am now...finding out who I am and what I need to do to be personally happy without the feelings of guilt. The hardest for me in the past (since leaving) was accepting that the family is not the only place that you can be "happy", it's not the only place to do good for others, and it's not the only place that is the "center of God's will". Those things were the hardest for me to accept...because of the fact it meant my being honest with myself that everything that had been drilled into me...was false. I'm still dealing, I'm still learning, but I'm happier than I've ever been.

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overcoming sex problems - Monday, March 04, 2002

I can relate to the whole wierd about sex after leaving. While in the group, sex was so engrained in my head that when I left I think I didn't really realize how normal people behave in regards to sex, i.e. much less of it. Like the majority of us, I had some very negative experiences with sex while growing up, especially with being molested by my father and older men and being forced or "encouraged" to have sex with people in order to "show them God's love". Sex to me was something that I felt I was required to do if I was to be a real woman. As I got older in the family I became very free with my sexuality and was bordering on the promiscuous side. I didn't realize how much this actually affected me until a year after I left. It started out with me really liking a guy, going on a date, having sex and then the next day just being really repulsed by him. It was wierd, I couldn't understand why, because most of the time I really liked the person. Then it got worse to where I would dread having sex with anybody. I then degressed to where I would be having sex and then just start crying and throwing up in the middle of it. Obviously not a turn on for the guy. It eventually became so bad that just a guy touching me would make me throw up--literally. I then dated some real losers who just added to my problem by punching me in the face if I started crying during sex, forcing me to do things and telling me that I would "learn to like it". I also started seeing my Dad's face during sex which as you can imagine was not making sex any easier and just made me feel sicker. I felt dirty, gross, and extremely violated after any sexual encounter, even kissing, and regardless of whether it was consensual or not.
Around this time I met a really wonderful man who became a good friend to me. I had a huge crush on him and he really is the best guy in the whole world. I knew that I liked him but was so scared that if I even kissed him I would become grossed out by it and lose what could be the best thing that ever happened to me. I began to see a counselor. Through a lot of therapy, we worked out a system where I would initiate any touch (by now we were dating but not involved sexually) including hand holding. He never even hugged me without me asking for it. This went on for a while till I no longer was tense when he held my hands. I was not wondering what his motive was, what did he want out of me, was he going to hurt me, or anything. It gave me back some power that had been taken from me all my life whenever I was violated. I was eventually comfortable enough to where I could kiss him and not get sick. To make a long story short we worked up to where we could have sex (me still initiating any touch, he was just pretty much passive). This system worked wonders for me. At one point I regressed,and after sex felt really sick about it, and so we just started back at square one with the hand holding. He knows all about my background and is very understanding.
We have gone for months without sex because I wasn't comfortable with it and he never made a single complaint. Since leaving I converted to being a Catholic, so I technically shouldn't be having sex anyway, but I just wanted to be able to get over my sex issues. We are now engaged to be married and although it took a long, long, time I think I am finally over the wierd sex problems.

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Jasemine - Sunday, March 03, 2002

I know excately how you feel, my mom, wont admit anything that happen to me, all the abuse bother physical and mentally. For so long i tried to forget what happened and now i have a big gap in my life, 5 years i dont remember what happened to me, my mom wont talk about and when i confront about my past abuse she gets all tearful and says i am lying. I dont understand why they cant admit what was going on under their own noses. My mom as the shepherd on the home in italy and she wont even take responsiblilty to what happened. She says 'everything work out according to God plan' Yeah right, more like what suit the family and the shepherds at the time

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Not using my name for OBVIOUS reasons! - Sunday, March 03, 2002

Yes, I can relate to what you're talking about. And from conversations with other X-members, I know I'm not the only one.

That has been one of my big issues since leaving--getting over hangups and subconscious mind sets about sex. Looking back, being abused in the group had one major effect: it made me think that sex was the only thing I was good for or that people really appreciated me for. Make that men, not people. Of course I felt appreciated sometimes for other things, but I only felt really confident and special when I was impressing somebody sexually. So many things have transpired since then and I have changed considerably. I used to think I was a nymphomaniac, but now I realize I was "into" sex for two reasons: I was taught to be, and it was a way of validating myself when the whole world around me said I wasn't good enough. I had to get over the whole "openness" thing--I'm married--and have found that the more faithful you are to the one you're committed to, the stronger your union is. Duh!!! I look back on my days of promiscuity with disgust and frustration at times, but am happy to finally be figuring out what I feel is right for me. Pretty "normal" floats my boat at the moment. Lol!

I went through a phase where I was sickened by the thought of sex. I didn't want anything to do with it and began to feel almost like a little girl--to white and innocent to be defiled. That didn't last long--TG!--but then I started to think that maybe I was a lesbian and had been missing my true "calling" all these years! Lol! Or at least I had to be bi because I started to see things in females that I never noticed before! Ahem. Well, I've never had a bi experience (someday I might if the circumstances are just right!) but I came out of that stage, again, knowing a little bit more about myself and being more comfortable with who I am.

The way I see it: we've had so much sexual shit thrown into us since forever that it will take some time to "eschew the evil"--to use a familiar phrase. Don't be afraid of the journey and all its ups and downs because you will eventually land where you're supposed to be and you'll know when that happens.

And for a good fucks sake--enjoy the ride! :P

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VWBabe - Friday, March 01, 2002

Add another creep to the Belgium "school" - David and Greek Philip - psycho bastards delighted in giving public spankings to the teen and jett girls (as well as one teen boy who he made strip down "full-monty" in front of both male and female peers). Jules, I my mom always wondered about David and you - it really bothered her that he always seemed to be "eyeing" you. Of course, she got corrected for that (standing up against uncles molesting kids) and got sent off to the RTC which is one of the reasons why she left.